British bachelors in Tallinn: strictly for fun

Photo: Liis Treimann

Anet Oltsmann, a veteran welcomer of British and Scandinavian bachelors in Tallinn, agrees not with claims that it’s them that rule the Old Town night life. All the guys come for is fun and laughter. And their ranks are thinning fast.

Anet Oltsmann (26) manages the Baltic branch of E-Blok Ltd, specialising in housing and entertaining flocks of Western bachelors, and is in the know-how of these matters after eight long years. According to her, the bachelors do indeed come to have fun, but are never into night-time noise or fight-picking.

«They’re abroad, and therefore quite reserved in their conduct. Indeed, a bit vulgar they may be while relaxing it out, but at any conflict they just totally bury their ego – begging for forgiveness even if it wasn’t their fault, to stay out of trouble. I wonder whence the myth that it’s them who are the chief troublemakers.»

Brits are in the habit of taking a trip with a bunch of friends, should anybody in their circle be getting married in near future. Scandinavians, however, make it a custom to visit a new country every year. No group consisting of ladies has, as far as Ms Oltsmann knows, ever come to Estonia. In other Eastern-European countries, that happens, however. Namely, E-Blok organises group travels to Riga, Prague, Berlin, Krakow, Budapest, Bucharest, Warsaw, Brno and Gdansk, as well.

Tallinn losing attraction

Ms Oltsmann, who found herself in single men’s business via of a friend working as guide, admits there’s a lot less partying coteries coming these days. If, a couple of years ago, up to twenty dozen-member teams might come over by Ryanair or EasyJet with a single flight, then now they are lucky to get five for a week-end as a summer’s average.

And if only a few years ago they arrived on Wednesday or Thursday already, then now it’s rather on Friday, only for the week-end. But that may be linked to them not wanting to lose their jobs, so they can’t afford to stay away longer. As an average, a bachelor leaves behind €200 a day, for housing and the rest. And, as compared to other destinations, that’s the biggest sum of money.

Whatever they buy, it’s often just for the fun of it. Like the big hit daft felt hats – never to be worn again, in all likelihood. In a club, the most expensive champagne might be purchased for the joke of it, only to dip the tongue in it for a brief moment.

Scandinavians spend even more

The cycle goes as follows: Friday afternoon, they go meet the boys at the airport and truck them to some Old Town hotel. Thereafter, Ms Oltsmann provides guidelines where to have a snack or down some beers, close by. For the night, they head for a restaurant, hit the pubs and then to a nightclub or strip bar. On Saturday, the singles are offered a chance to sport, then back to bars and clubs for the night.

Compared to Prague or Riga, really sought after by bachelors these days – welcome and favoured even by city governments, helping with varieties of entertainment options – Tallinn doesn’t even come close.

«It’s sad. Sometimes simply embarrassing, as the people come and say: we’ve got money, fix us something special,» stated Ms Oltsmann. For instance, it is now in to visit shooting ranges. However, Tallinn only features two. And only two go-kart tracks, one indoors and the other out in the open. And these also have to take the locals. And the only ATV driving option is out of town.

Indeed, the bachelors do desire to not just party, but also enjoy sports. Which usually fills their Saturday, as no-one wants to simply sleep it away. Hovercraft rides, however desired, are sadly unavailable. And there’s no cutting edge extreme ports parks around.

One of the reasons international bachelors are losing interest towards Tallinn is, in Ms Oltsmann’s opinion, the coming of the euro. «For them, it feels like a boring, overly usual banknote,» she notes. «The attitude towards our state has changed, a lot.»

Fun’s the main thing

Roughly 70 per cent of the groups – except those celebrating bachelors’ nights – do expect some surprises with sexual undertones. Usually, the special treat comes after a three course dinner in a separate room, with guest dancers from some Tallinn strip club. However, it is far from offering the guys an erotic experience. The surprise only has one goal – to get a good laugh.

For instance: two domina-dressed dancers tie a bachelor to a chair, put a dog mask on him and give the guy a little «whipping». Or, they drop some lotion on his shoulders and initiate a slight massage. Unnoticed, a long-haired guy from the bunch takes over from the dancer. And – as the mask falls off – the fun is heartfelt.

As a rule, sex is not sought. However, the bachelors do treat the constant buzz of local girls with night-club tickets and drinks. Just for free, and that’s indeed what the girls come for – some easy money. The guys might get a couple of dances for their dough – no-one’s after a man to help them make it through the night.

The bachelors take a great delight to get all costumed up. The hottest one Ms Oltsmann remembers is a tight Borat swimsuit worn by a mister around town, a couple of years ago. Often, the entire coterie dresses up the same.

For costumes, a chick 50ies suit will do, or an over-the-top only-gay-in-town outfit from TV series  Little Britain, all tight and sparking. Or then they may play spoilt and dirty-mouthed teenage girls with outrageous pink dresses and blond pony-tails.

Yet, says Ms Oltsmann, the female fashion is giving way nowadays. On the average, only one British bachelors’ bunch in five goes for weird outfits. Last summer, men all dressed in huge blue stockings were to be seen in Tallinn. Sherlock Holmes’ stuff was also quite in. «They no longer want vulgar fun. However, they do desire attention,» states Ms Oltsmann. Scandinavians prefer folk costumes and retro

Sure, accidents also happen. Some have fallen while drunk, or been hurt playing paintball. The few fights have stayed harmless hassles, now and then somebody loses his documents.

«I remember an unfortunate story: three generations of men with Estonian background came to Tallinn – the grandfathers spoke good Estonian, sons not so good, grandsons not at all.

They took a hike from Tõnismäe to Old Town and were mercilessly beaten, all of them. What a tragedy, as they never came to party, just to show the younger generations what Estonia is about. Yet, all they saw afterwards was the ambulance. Never will they return, the men promised.»

Praise and putdowns

As a rule, the bachelors are all excited about the Old Town. They praise it for its cleanness. Good words are spoken about the capital’s restaurants and food – a lot cheaper then back home. The tourist trap Olde Hansa is… interesting. No compliments, however.

Bubs, say Brits, are just as fun as in London, drinks come in the same variety. What they enjoy is smaller crowds and cheaper prices.

Ms Oltsmann admits, however, that communication with locals may come across as unpleasant. «They stress that a lot. The say so the very first morning: at once, from body language, they get the nationality. An Estonian guy asks, friendly-like: how do you do? Playing billiards? How’s going, who’s winning? But Russian men are intimidating, make them nervous.»

Whoever has been here before, nearly faints at the astronomical price rise.

The new season is not yet on. «They arrive with the grass and with the flowers. When springtime comes around,» affirms Ms Oltsmann.