Adopted, data altered

Photo: Toomas Huik

Decades ago, great pains were taken to hide the embarrassment of adoption. Today, Estonian society views adopters as heroes.

Estonia might have a couple of thousand people unaware of their true birthday, as, decades ago, their date of birth was altered in the process of adoption. And, should they have found out the day, data cannot be corrected.

In recent history, 1970–1995, Estonia had a law like the rest of the USSR: adopters, citing confidentiality of adoption, had the right to alter the date of birth, place of birth and name of an adopted child. How many such people, adults by now, with actual birthdays differing by up to three months – nobody knows.

«Interior ministry has no data on how many may have had their birthdays altered due to adoption or other reasons – such information has not been collected electronically and these materials are on paper birth registrations, archived by the thousands,» explained Enel Pungas, head of population affairs at Ministry of the Interior.

According to Lea Möll, involved in adoptions in Tallinn for over thirty years, in Tallinn alone about 30 children were adopted yearly; with the smaller ones, at least, the birth dates were usually altered. As, decades ago, adoption was treated as something utterly strange, trying to keep it secret by all means was understandable.

Both Ms Möll and others addressed by Postimees regarding the subject admitted that due to smallness of Estonia, hope to hide adoption has always been vain – even with adopters keeping mum, always a «kind» lady appeared, letting the kid know of true origins.

Finding out, at 25

Such was the fate of Kati Metsaots, now on her journey to restore her true identity in documents, birthday being her topmost priority.

Kati was 25 when, in a small town, she was approached by a lady she did not know. Asking if she knew anything about her biological mother. Thereafter, bit by bit, the true story of Kati and her twin sister started to come together. At the beginning, Kati believed that only mother was not biological, the father being «real».

«We had no baby pictures at all; parents said these had been lost when moving,» Kati recalls a fact confirming her doubts. As kids, the girls had even believed it; now, the lack of pictures was cast in a new light.

About a half a year after initial doubts, Kati held the documents – the first birth registration and the second, issued at adoption. «I wrote to the vital statistics department and got these in a few days,» said Kati.

Turned out, the girls had been adopted when three and a half years old, Christian names altered as well as dates and places of birth. At the beginning, Kati had been Karin. The true birthday was exactly a month earlier than stated in documents.

Then it came out the twins had been taken to a children’s home, from their mother, when six months old. «I do not remember living in a children’s home at all,» admitted Kati. It also came as quite a shock, to her, to find out that in addition to twin sister, she had five more sisters and brothers.

Repeatedly, Kati tried to take this up with her father, the latter denying the adoption till the documents surfaced. «As it became evident he was not our biological father, I invited him over to finally talk about it. He said why are you digging this up... Afterwards we were at odds for months, never communicated,» recalls Kati.

For her, that was painful, as she was thankful to both father and mother for adopting her, raising her up and helping graduate from university. «I realise they feared we would turn our backs at them, but we never even thought that way – only that they could have told us themselves.»

While Kati delved into her origins, one of her older sisters had also taken up a search for younger sisters and brothers. By now, all have met. Still, none of them have developed close relationships. All seven children had been adopted, only one younger sibling – on top of Kati and her twin – unaware of that earlier.

The more active sisters and brothers also found out the biological mother and relatives. «I never met my mother, as she died about the same time. Still, we visited her latest companion,» said Kati.

«I am not proud of my one-time family and there people mean nothing to me; but, by finding out, I have received peace and now the story is finished for me,» explained Kati. «Why would I like to restore my true birthday? Because that’s my identity.»

Addressing the vital statistic office, many years ago, to have her birthday altered, Kati was told that was only possible if her adopters would waive their rights, in court. «That was excluded,» said Kati. By now, both parents are dead.

Pursuant to law, however, changing the birthday is impossible even now, as a person’s birthday may only be altered in case of errors. Changing birth date and official identity at adoption was not an error, but an act committed in accordance to law in force at the time.

According to justice ministry press secretary Maria-Elisa Tuulik, amendments are planned for Family Law Act, regarding confidentiality of adoption. «For the sake of clarity, wording will be altered; even so, the changes will not be very substantial,» said the press secretary. When it comes to correcting the birth dates, such amendment is not planned currently. «Should the need arise, however, it can be analysed in cooperation with social ministry,» said Ms Tuulik.

Ms Pungas, of interior ministry, also excluded not the need for such amendments. 

Right to identity

Kati Metsaots realises that changing birthday is not a simple matter; even so, in cases experienced by her and many others, with no criminal records, it still should be possible to restore identity in documents.

Over the years, Lea Möll has run into lots of stories like that. «Now, the attitude in the society has become much more open; no longer are people looked down upon who are unable to get children of their own and take the responsibility of raising the kids of others. Rather, adopters are now viewed as heroes, granting parentless children a home,» said Ms Möll.

Sigrid Petoffer, of ASBL Oma Pere (Own Family) supporting adopters and adopted children since 2008, says adopters desire to be treated as ordinary parents. «Adoption is like having children, just slightly different,» she said.

Ms Möll said, from experience, that learning about being adopted is not nearly as tragic as feared. «Especially when parents themselves do the disclosing. The problem lies in the parents themselves fearing maybe the child will forsake them,» she explained.

According to Ms Petoffer, confidentiality of adoption is a daily topic at the ASBL. «Should we tell, who to tell? How and how much to tell? What are the pros and cons? Etc,» listed Ms Petoffer.

At Oma Pere, they are of the opinion that every adopted child has the right to know his origins. «Even so, every adoptive family shall pick its own time and place, to tell the child,» added Ms Petoffer.

Ms Möll also pointed out health issues like heritable diseases; also, in a small country like Estonia, a sister and a brother might easily happen to fall in love.

Both Ms Petoffer and Ms Möll acknowledged that, today, majority of adopters realise the children have a right and a need to know their own personal story. «But is will never be that a hundred percent of the adopters are willing to tell the children,» added Ms Möll. She told the story of two brothers, adopted into different families; the boys are good friends, attend the same school, are very much alike – still not knowing that they are brothers as parents of one of them are not willing to open up.

According to Andres Aru, children’s’ rights head at Office of the Chancellor of Justice, they have been notified of problems regulating confidentiality of adoption. «As the problems raised are of such nature as verifying constitutionality of one norm may not be enough, the Chancellor of Justice decided to perform broad analysis of confidentiality of adoption from the viewpoint of  the children’s rights, including such analysis in next year’s work schedule,» said Mr Aru.

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Which data were/are altered at adoption?

Pursuant to Marriage and Family Code in force in 1970–1995, in order to ensure keeping of adoption confidentiality, as requested by adopters and in exceptional cases, places and dates of birth of adopted children were allowed to be altered, buy no more than three months. Also, Christian names of children were allowed to be changed. If so requested by adopters, they could be entered into new birth registrations as parents. From children at least ten years of age, agreement had to be secured regarding adoption, name change and alteration of other data. 

In those days, adoption was organised by children’s homes and hospitals and Executive Committees of regional or local soviets of proletariat deputies, the latter passing the adoption decisions.

Pursuant the Family Law Act currently in force, depending of the adoption (within family or into a step-family) the child’s name, data of parents, citizenship and, if so desired by adopters, even the child’s personal identification code are altered (date of birth remaining unchanged). At adoption, a new birth certificate is issued, with post-adoption data. The birth certificate may not reveal the fact of adoption. Of children at least ten years of age, agreement needs to be secured regarding adoption and change of name.

Adoption is organised by county government, the decision thereof taken by court.

At the end of 2012, Estonia had 984 children living with adopters.