Estonian women know to say «no»

Marina Lohk
, reporter
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While wish list for men in Estonia is topped by love, kids and a home, the ladies are ever more confident, skilled at sexual self defence and saying «no», and increasingly interested in having children.

True, the female health study presented by University of Tartu and National Institute for Health Development (TAI) cannot be directly compared to the recent research into Estonian male attitudes and behaviour – the questions were different and the age group for ladies was cut short ten years earlier. Still, certain tendencies can be specified.

While the average Estonia guy is probably overweight or outright obese, cares nothing for health and is prone to drink and smoke, an Estonian woman (aged 16–44) looks much healthier. She judges her health to be good, is satisfied with her life, is usually at her normal weight, seldom gets drunk and is rather a non-smoker.

And, while by age 55 a man has probably committed some adultery, 90 percent of ladies claim they have had none at the side.

Singles on increase

Perhaps the above might give us a clue why, as compared to such study ten years ago, percentage of singles is up among the young fertile women aged 25–44. Provided the replied were honest, of course.

Though the three-four percent difference is deemed not much by gynaecologist and obstetrician Hedda Lippus, an author of the study, the issue may be the increased confidence and self-worth in the ladies. If a guy is not fit to live with, drinks or is violent, they don’t stick with him just out of fear of being left alone or feeling of inevitability.

The increased confidence is also evidenced regarding first intercourse issue. «It seems the people do more thinking – the initial intercourse is less likely to happen with a random partner, it is rather someone they know. So if I don’t want to, then I say «no»; no-one can pressure me,» observed another author, professor Helle Karro.

Ms Lippus says the change may be traced to increased quality of sexual education in schools: «In initial intercourse, hormonal contraceptives are already used and as Kai Part (a doctor that participated in the study – M. L.) noted: people do prepare before the initial intercourse, as it’s no longer a one-night stand. They see a doctor, they are prescribed a recipe. This does reveal awareness.»

She also underlined that, as shown in answers to questions whether a lady may decline from sexual intercourse, awareness is up and ladies stand stronger for themselves. «This is a positive trend indeed,» added Ms Lippus.

He is not

If the guy is no good, the ladies won’t stick around – among ladies without kids, the problem of lacking a fitting partner stands out: among ladies aged 25–44, the chief reason for not having children is that they never met a partner they would have wanted or been able to have a child.

Among the younger ones, the reasons are rather logical: the desire to first secure an owned home or finish the studies, a need felt by her or the partner to fist find a secure job, or the perception that they aren’t ready for the responsibility.

Meanwhile, close to a third of the ladies still childless said they have been unable to have one. The older the woman, the greater the likelihood.

Among those with children in their families, the study showed most had one or two, while a third would actually want three. Close to a half of the ladies, however, set the ceiling at two kids. «Compared to ten years ago, three or more kids are desired more often, but the reality has stayed the same. Meanwhile, the ladies do want more children than before,» said Ms Karro.

As observed by West-Tallinn Central Hospital reproductive medicine centre chief Kai Haldre: as the age of those giving birth keeps getting higher because up to certain age there’s no financial security, the result may be they end up with one child as the second and third never come. «I think people have not realised the role of age when it comes to fertility of women,» said the doctor.

Another author of the study, Made Laanpere of Tartu sexual health clinic, said this is no great cause for worry as yet – if but regarding the future. «A glance at European average reveals that in Estonia first time births and the following ones come at younger age,» she stated.

Even so, Ms Laanpere is grieved that keeping the job is cited as chief factor affecting having children. «Estonian state is supposed, as if, to secure the job is preserved, but this is still the greatest fear. So what is actually going on?» she asked.

Alost as important, however, is that it would get better or stabilise financially, and that there be a good and trustworthy child care option – to show that natural increase will not come by mother’s wages and jobs preserved alone.

Partner battery

The darkest that the study tells us is this: in their life, every third lady has encountered mental violence; physically, every second one; and sexually, every fifth. At that, the younger women are the more vulnerable.

Hedda Lippus observes that the violence issue cannot be compared to ten years back as the methodology differed. As for the European backdrop, she said we are somewhat the average.

Meanwhile, the actual numbers may be higher as  Ms Lippus says even in anonymous studies in Estonia the tendency is to keep silent regarding the violence. A problem here would be that people still do not know what precisely is sexual violence.

«Estonian Sexual Health Association did this study that revealed that many people don’t deem it sexual violence when the husband forces a sexual intercourse. People think their own man may do whatever,» said Ms Lippus.

For the entire team, the greatest surprise was the 7.4 percent of women aged 35–44 having experienced rape. At that, this often is by own partners, noted Ms Lippus.

«The so-called street rape is a tiny part, one third or even less. Lion’s share is where a partner or former partner is the rapist, and the rest of the instances it’s some acquaintance, like a colleague,» she explained.

Comparing this to what emerged from the men’s study – over the past year, every tenth guy had done mental, physical or sexual violence to his partner and far from all deemed this to be too bad – no wonder that increasingly the ladies in their prime prefer to live alone.

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